Yeah this really does need improvement..IT SUCKS!!1 ha yeah right its freakin good! 5/5 loved it...just like all the other ones...Good job.
Becky
xoxo

Wow, Now this is my kind of poem. Great imagery and descriptions.

O.K... 1st off ... great poem! One thing that kinda throws the pace off is this line..."she shall'nt pass this test..."I would work on this a little but over all 5/5!

UMM HELLO.. thats doesnt need improvement AT ALL its like the best poem ive read!! WOAH i loved it!! gurl ur awesome xoxo 5/5 5/5 5/5

Wow... im speechless... there's def no need to improve this poem. it's AMAZING!!! wow...

Woah! This was soo dark!
Your flow completelty roocked! It was beautiful I loved it!
Well done keep it up..and thanks for your comments! xxx

This poem was great! it doesn't need improvement. it was very descriptive. you did a great job!
crystal

That was a very great poem you did an awesome job 5/5

No improvment needed it is one of the best i have ever read hehe way better then the poem of the same name that i have writen

There was one sentance in your fifth stanza that sounded really weird: 'Clock ticks by far too slowly:'. you should probably take away the 'by' becasue saying 'by far too slowly' all in once sentance is a very awkward sentece. you might want to fix that; thats about the only mistake i've noticed, but the tears falling like black crystals also confused me; you might wanna try someting like 'ice' crystals instead of black, and describe how they shatter, kinda like the persons heart. lol, sorry for ranting... i liked the poem a lot. 5/5 by the way, its your poem, so you dont have to change anything, and itd still be good, but i'm just trying to help out a little

Very good for such a young kid to write it's better then any of myne

Hey, that was beautifuly dark. I don't think it needs any imprving, its great how it is.
The only doubt I might of had is whether pureness is spelt with two E's or one, but I guess that's just a matter of style.

Good Writing!
beth.

Nice! I heart the poem so much.

"Cumbersome innocence is they're target,"

"they're" should be "their"

My favourite lines are:

The whole damn poem!

But especially the ending..

"Maybe occasionaly a dark poet;
Writing with far too much pride."

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

This poem defiour..!!! thnx for what u sed about mah poem

Wow. Pleasure to read.
JJx

Great job i really liked the idea although confusing at times, some flow breaks i dont know just seemed rough around the edges but good job 5/5

This poem has a nice flow...

I dont like how you rhyme eyes and and skys :-)
nice job.

I loved the flow and the rhyme. It was really good. I agree with Atomic as to which lines were my favorite :D
Love always,
~BJ~

I like this poem, it was really well thought of and I like the idea. good use of words too.
P.S. If you liked my poem "Morbid Child" check out "This is the House" thanks:)

God...wow one of the few people on this site who can write i love this poem i love the way you ended it...check a few of my poems out sometime...i added you to my fav. list i only got like 4 ppl on it im kinda picky...whatever....5/5 awesome poem