Confused Over This

I don't know what's going on
as our friendship fades
it seems like we're getting further apart
each and every day

it hurts me to think of life without you
it kills me to think you could be dead
I felt horrible after talking to you
after the words that were said

you're my best friend
how could I have though you lied
just the though of your suicide
makes me want to die

I wish I knew how
I wish I knew why
but all of these things
kill me inside

you're my best friend
even closer than a sis
then why am I
so confused over this