So use restraints and hold me down...

Use restraints and hold me down,
Kick me, beat me, hurt me,
Retreat to my mind,
This isn't how things are supposed to be.

Electro-convulsive therapy,
Shocks pounding through my brain,
Fry this psychosis
running through my veins.

Throw me in my cell,
Give me my pills,
Doctors tell me it will get better.
I know it never will.

They tell me it can happen,
That it will just pass by,
Then leave me lying on the floor,
Oh, such cruel lies.

They say I'm a danger
To myself and those around me,
Even though I know it's true,
I beg them to set me free.

I tell them I'm better,
That it's all gone away,
I tell them I can leave now,
But they force me to stay.

Occasional visits my parents,
My sister, my family,
They stay for a while,
Then with pity in their eyes, they leave me.

I miss my friends,
I want to go home,
But now I've been in there,
They'll never leave me alone.

Constant medication,
And checkups all the time,
To stop homicidal thoughts
From running through my mind.

Why can't they give you
Some space to be alone?
The pain starts again
And I start to moan.

Hands deep inside me,
Moving my organs all around,
He laughs at my pain
Without ever making a sound.

I scream out loud,
His laughter still in my head,
It hurts so badly
I wish I was dead.

Hot tears fall down
My fevered face,
He only grows stronger
In this horrible place.

The medication doesn't work,
The therapists don't help,
He's still there,
I still feel horrible & want to yell.

He sits in the corner and laughs
That I will never be free,
I scream at him until
They have to sedate me.

Tranquillises run through my veins,
Creating unconditional sleep,
A wave of exhaustion rolls over me
And I fall into it, deep.

They diagnosed me as a nut-case,
A thing to throw away,
But unfortunately for us all,
They are making me stay.

Believe me,
I want to leave,
But there's one person in this world
And it's to them that I cleave.

My minds like a tree,
Except it creates strange fruit,
There's blood on my leaves
And blood on my roots.

So I drift into
My fantasy land again,
But it still doesn't quite
Block out my pain.

So use restraints and hold me down,
Kick me, beat me, hurt me,
Retreat to my mind,
This isn't how things are supposed to be...

© Copyright of Holly Nia Goodson