Tired

Thinking to myself i just sigh
my deepest desire is to die
I long to be done with this life
But i just cant pick up the knife
If i could kill myself and my family not be upset
Id do it so fast and there wouldnt be any regrets
but i know if i kill myself they will say i was wrong
but no one understands that up in heaven is where i belong
Im trying my hardest to make myself be alright
but its like trying to find my way in the dark without a flashlight
I smile and laugh all the time
To keep people from seeing inside
The real me is really tired
im not happy but im not sad
im just tired of living the life i have