Great poem 5.....I love the my weakness is I care to much...that was in one awesome song and I've always loved it..i love how tied all the points of the poem together..do you get what I'm saying? lol good poem
Katie

Awwww...u r really in love and u r hurting i can see it in the way that u write...just stay strong...wen u want to talk im here 5/5...keep up the great job...

OMG...that was wonderful, I can really relate to this poem and i can't wait to read more.
Starlight aka
Ashley

"My weakness is I care too much,"

This line is a bit cliche, since it was initially from a song by PapaRoach, I think.

"My heart filled with an aching pain,
My thoughts of "us" to been slain,
Finally I give you my opinion true,
There is no future for me with you."

You did it again in the last two lines of thins stanza, I dont know if it was from habit or not...but it really looked forced.

How about:

"My heart filled with an aching pain,
My thoughts of "us" to been slain,
Finally I spoke those words so true,
There is no future for me with you."

I'm just trying to help, sorry if it wasn't much.

An excellent poem by the way. =)

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

Rich Word Choice, It Was Vividly Put And The Imagery Broke The Barriers Of The Ordinary And Entered The Realm Of Uniqueness, You've Captured a Whole Diffrent Aspect Of Poetry *Keep This Up* 5/5 xoxo-Nikki-xoxo

I love it...I do agree with atomic about the last stanza...though it didn't hurt the poem. Very powerful and full of emotion. I love the way you put each line and worded it through out. Unique and well heard...Very nicely done! :)

Thanks for the help guys but with your edited version it changes the meaning i want to give the ending. I was trying to show what would happen in the future if there is no honesty, then there would be no future. I intended the last line to be a warning of what might happen, not a memory of what has happend. But with "Finally I spoke those words so true" it sounds more like it has already been said.

Thanks for your comment.
with "wonder if i'm an extra notch" i was trying to make a point about being just an extra notch on the bedpost, or just being another score, if you understand that?
and with "My thoughts of "us" to be slain" i was trying to convey a message about how hard it is to erase the memory of a loved one.

Thanks again, all your comments are welcomed

Bloody unreal, this poem is easily relatable to alot of young teens. it talks about issues that can occur to anyone, and the point of waking up and realising that there is no future with this person.. it will hurt to let them go, but think of the pain you are saving yourself from, being stringed along by this person any longer. ciao.. much respect
Mal

My only crime, I care too much

i love that line
i love the poem... ur good
love
amy

Amazing poem...very well done...touched me deep inside...
5/5
love
amy

hey i'd like to be friends...if u care to.. mail at trueloveforyou17@yahoo.com
thanks bye !

Wow! I don't even know what to say...I seen this on one of the forums...thought it sounded like i'd have some emotion...but I wasn't expecting this...It touched me...thats how you know its good....great Job 5/5...Keep it up...the others are good as well

check Me out

xoxo
Kayla

Excellent poem. I loved it.

*Blood Shot Eyes*

It was all good and perfect until the last line; it just didnt sound right. otherwise, perfect.

Ooo, not bad.
My thoughts of "us" to been slain,
I think it would flow better to be written
My thoughts of "us" to be slain
that's all I could pick out, so I gave yu 5/5, it was entertaining, though i'm sorry to say the emotion in it felt rather weak.

Thanks, i cant believe i didnt see that typo... must have slipped through seen as been is a word. I did infact mean for it to say be. thanks again for pointing it out