Dear Mum, (a very personal and from the heart poem for me)

Dear mum
Ask yourself why you have nothing
Ask yourself why youre alone
Ask yourself why you miss your home
Ask yourself why you have nothing left

Ill tell you why because of me

I ask myself why I have no family
I ask myself why Im alone
I ask myself why I cry
I ask myself why do I hurt so much inside

Ill tell you why because of you

Its because of you I have no family
You took me away without a choice
You took me from what I had
You never gave me the chance to know

Its because of you I look at my friends and cry
They sit with their families happy and together
Or they sit families bickering
They sit together non the less

Its because of you I hate what I have become
Ive become so heartless and untrusting
Ive become so bitter and cold
Ive become ungrateful to you for my life!

Its because of you Im dying inside
Because of what you took from me
Because of what you left me here without
Because you pretend everythings fine

Its because of me you have no friends
You left them all behind for me
You left them to raise me for the better
You wont make friends now for fear of rejection

Its because of me youve lost the life you had
You had everything you wanted and needed
You had the perfect life back there
And now youve got nothing

Its because of me youve turned so bitter
I see others, often with families so big
Which made my jealousy turn to hatred
I hate them because they have family

Its because of you I hate myself
I hate how I cant control my emotions
I hate how you were never there for me
I hate how I have no one, just like you

Its because of you I have no one to turn to
Why did you leave me here alone?
Why did you take me away form them?
Why wont you give me the chance to go back?

Its because of you Im different
Im the odd one out when it comes to family gatherings
Or when I played in that show and no one came
Or when I was left at the gates because everyone forgot

Its because of you I want to die
I have no one left in my life
I have no memories of them
I didnt even get the chance to know them
And you still wont let me
Although its too late now
So dont you dare say how much you miss it!
Dont you dare say how great it was!
Dont you dare remind me, again, of what it was like!
Dont you dare say you made a sacrifice for me!
Dont you dare say you love me!!
And dont you dare say it was all for me!!!!
Because when Im lying in that bath, with blood all around
Ill say it was all for you.

From your ungrateful daughter x