Snake

by aaron 1 remo   Nov 19, 2005


Red venomous eyes shine.
Piercing like a needle.
deep in the jungle's night.
Dancing with the evil.
The anti-Christ monster.
Creeping, crawling,devil.

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  • 18 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    I really liked this. This is a very original subject and I liked the comparisons you used. The flow and syllable count was contestant, and I found it was interesting you chose the number six... It is quite short so I would normally suggest adding to it, but this works perfectly as it is. The only criticism is the third line is the only line that doesn't start with a capital letter... So I think it would be good to alter this. Well done, this write impressed me.

  • 18 years ago

    by aaron 1 remo

    Notice how there are 6 lines and 6 sylables in each line and 24 (a multiple of 6) words
    (the last one was a bit of a cheat but hey who cares)

  • 18 years ago

    by myshiningstar14

    WHOA....that was intense man..those few words ae embedded in my soul! that was awesome...you are one of my favs to read lol. latas chill..LISSA xox

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