Diary Part Two

Now, I lie here on th floor.
Any minute now, a knock, so soft, will greet the door,
but I won't answer. I will hardly hear.
My life hangs in the balance nearly consumed by fear.

The perfect ending to a horrible year.
At the beginning of 2006 everyone will cheer.
Not me. I will still be lying right here
wishing my life had been more clear.

Silent sobs will fill the night--of this, I'm sure.
For this deep sadness there's not yet a cure.
So, until I can figure out what I'm crying about,
I will scream in solitude until I blackout.

Somehow, I know I still won't forget
the depression that seems to be linked to regret.
Something that has happened is truly my fault,
or I take responsibility through a fluke--by default.

So continues this awful assault
of mind, body, and soul until I spit out this bitter salt.
I'll let the taste go only when I'm prepared
to give up this chapter of anger and despair.