My Own World 11-10&11-04

by Amanda Clayburn   Jan 1, 2006


I close my eyes
And all I could see
Is this black spot
Right before my eyes
The smell of cold wet rain
My body is numb and I can't see
Have you ever felt like you were high?
You were just standing there being crazy in your own little head of yours
Wondering what will happen to you the next day
If you might see your loved one
Or he will go away forever
A tear comes down your face
Hoping this wasn't true
But you can't change what has happen
Your family always yelling at you
You're locked up in your room
Screaming your head off
Whishing it would
You want to just jump off the building
And no one even knew how you died
They saw you killed yourself
Falling from the building
Your body not crushed
No scratches on you
Not even a drop of blood coming down from your eyes
But your heart pumps blood faster and faster
Just to make you get up and live again
Just go your life your own way
Speaking to someone in your head
People looking at you like your crazy
Our world is wild and crazy
The world is never ending
You see your family and friends in a different way
You are still lying on the street dead cold
No one wants to know you're alive or dead
They are afraid you might be the...devil
But you're just a child in your own little world
Where no one is making fun of you
Your lover that you missed is in your heart
You imagine he is there
I lay my head on his shoulder
Resting from the fall
The calling is across your mind
I see a tear in your eye
Please don't cry
Your fears will soon be away
Have you ever felt like you love someone very much?
But you're not aloud to love
It is like a vanished mind
The history will repeat again
Our pain is your pain
We all bleed the same way
I want to stay in this world of mine
But he will soon be lost
I can't find him
Why do you have to leave me?
I woke up with a gasp of breath
All of sudden a tear of blood rolls down on my cheek
Music comes to my ears
I look around at the people
I yell with a great roar
I want to get out of here
And be with you
But you're locked up somewhere
My body is aching
Please make this stop
I can't stand this pain
You woke up with a scream in your mind
I gave you my nightmare
I have no regret
And I don't care
I feel sorry for you
My heart is changing me
I feel so happy when you around me
I can't stand
I fall on my knees
Then I woke again
In this room
The room is just white
White is so depressing
It needed some color
I cut myself and I bleed
I smoothen my blood on the wall
Just a small amount
I thought about you
Then you face was everywhere on the walls
My life is complete
I'm finished
Now I lay on this cold floor
With excitement
Thinking of you

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Paula

    I read your profile who cares what other people think, that is what I say. You are you and if you are happy that is all that matters. I know we constant think about what others might think about us if I wear this, or if I say this, well they too aren't all that. So as hard as it is I hope you know that it doesn't matter what others think because we are never going to make everybody happy.
    You are a wonderful writer. I have read this poem of yours, I haven't gotten to your others but will do so soon. LIfe leads us to some really rough paths in life and it sucks because there are so many times where we just don't know what to do with the pain that we are feeling. We feel like we are never going to escape this pain, if we turn left there it is, if we turn right there it is. HELP US! But we feel so hopeless and don't want to go on because everything seems so hard, then just when we get through that, here it comes again. Pain, what does it have my name all over it, is the way I feel sometimes. I am learning to trust that God does love me to even after the horrible thing/s I have done in my life, because I know that God is our maker and that he is by our sides, and He loves us, all of us.

    Hang in there, sounds like you have too been through down some rough roads and maybe still are, but I hope you know that you are never alone, even when you can't see His face, He is there by your side. You are His child and He only wants the best for you.

    Believe in yourself and take kare.
    Paula

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