Slowly Going Under

Why cant you see
That youre slowly killing me
Deep down inside me
Im beginning to realize
You are just a friend
And I never had a chance
These words are killing me to write
But they just have to be said
I do not love you after all
I have to get over you
Before I fall
Its a long way down
And Im afraid of heights
But youre slowly pushing me
Over the edge
What will happen
Once I hit bottom
Will I be rescued?
Or be left to flounder
In my unhappiness
I dont think that you understand
What you are putting me through
Its almost like hell
In fact, it is hell
And yet, Im still loving it
The hugs, the hellos
When you pay attention
Its like Ive been given a diamond
I think this is more than friendship
But you will never admit it
You said we are only friends
And I guess thats all well ever be
But its slowly killing me
Stabbing harder and deeper
Into my gut
And I can feel every second of it
The wound getting deeper
Its getting harder to heal
Every word you say makes it worse
Because every word you say is kind
Sweet, loving you
Never realizing what you are doing to me
And I dont think that you ever will
But still I strive to get over you
And Im never going to succeed
Your grip on me is tightening and never relaxing
I am never going to get over you
I have to realize those words
You are real, you are true
But still I hate you
For what you do to me
And you dont even F.U.C.K.I.N.G realize it
Every day matters
Turning into a living hell
I AM NEVER GOING TO GET OVER YOU
And you are never going to like me
We are just friends
There are other hot, sweet guys
Hot, sweet guys willing to go out with me
But I dont want them
I want you
And Im never going to get you
I sit in class dreaming
Dreaming about being your girlfriend
My friends say they catch you staring
But what do they know?
They dont know you like I do
I talk to you everyday
If you are staring, its just because Im weird
Weird and different
Different and weird
Same meaning, different words
But they both describe me
Ugly would work too
And definitely skinny
But you dont like skinny girls
You said so
With your eyes
I see the way you look at my stomach
With disgust
You think Im bulimic
Or Anorexic
You think I cut
I dont do any
But I might start
Because the pain is just to real
And you are just to real
I see you everyday
And I talk to you about
Everything and nothing
And sometimes theres silence
Awkward silence
Where theres nothing to say
And we both know it
We part company
Knowing we are going to bump into each other
Again, not knowing what to say
We only talk about exciting stuff
Not usual stuff in my world
Usual in yours
But you dont talk about you
You talk about me
To others
You are a gossiper
And I realize this
But I still love you
With every inch of my heart
And if I stop, I fear my heart will break
Because you are holding my heart together