Enough is enough

I'm sick and tired of being here,
Stuck in a life of death,
Caught in a web of fears,
Will you catch my last breath?

So many friends have broken my trust,
I tried letting some of them in,
My lungs are about to burst,
Because I hate everything.

After everything that's happened,
I seem to have lost all of my sanity,
It seems as if nothing matters,
But I'm not going to carry on happily.

I'm fed up of these fake smiles,
Whilst underneath blood pours out of each vein,
I cry myself to sleep night after night,
Just so I can ease the pain.

I'd do anything to be who I once was,
But after all of the petrifying memories,
Things like real smiles are lost,
I seem to have too many enemies.

But I'm clenching onto life,
Will you help answer this...
Why shouldn't I use this knife?
And why should I live...?