I liked this poem, it wasnt just another shallow love poem which I see a lot of people writing, it had meaning and sense. 5/5

p.s. if you dont mind I would be grateful if you read some of my poetry

Wow is all i gta say,dis poem wos brilliant. der really aint nothing else apart 4rm dat, jus wow.
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P.S o yeh bdw, I love you!!

Loved dis poem bruv. da recurring first line plays an paramount part in the telling of the story. keepn writing ma- or else ur nan gets it. lol!!!

Wow, nicely done! I love the rhyme scheme and the flow was perfect! Awesome job!

Brad, you are so talented. Did I ever tell you that? I love this poem. I can't even begin to tell you how much I identify with it.

I like this poem in each stanza you discussed a topic making your poem complete...
keep up the good job
5/5

Bradley Love,
This poem is filled with soo much truth and common sense,my favorite is the fith stanza.Once again a perfect 5/5.Keep writing and revealing the truth everyone hides from.

Luv Ya.
ps:sorry i've been out so long, so many suicide attemps can't get you anywhere but the hospital.Sometimes i wish hell had enough room for me.

Very very true. not many people can put todays problems into meaningful poetry and get it just right.... and you did.

It has good flow, because of the way i feel all i do is write and read sad poems this was a much refreshing change thank you for writing it :))

I adore this poem.
Every word written speaks truth, and the opening was so beautifully done, it really pulled me into the poem, and from thereon it just kept getting better and better.
The flow was flawless throughout, and the imagery created vivid pictures.
I loved the way you wrapped this up, such a perfect, intense and hard hitting ending.
Beautiful work.

P.S Thank you for the comment, and don't worry about sounding harsh, I would definetly want truthful comments =)

Geez, I'm WOW'ed. The flow was great, and it was so true... yup... very deep... 5/5

I know I keep saying this, but I honestly love this poem. especially these lines:

"rescue us from the dark side
on which none of us should tread
but there's a constant battle within us
that plays trickery in our head"

I wish more people wrote like this. honest thought-provoking poetry. This had a great message to it, i'm adding it to my favorites.

The flow is excellent and I liked your choice of words.

Well. This has a unique twist to it. =] I like the repetition of "rescue us" it gives the poem a sound of quiet desperation that comes from hanging over the edge.

Rescue us from the down pour
and the ice within our veins
where ever i look around me
there's death and crashing planes

Bad news, all the time. We live in a world of death and destruction and that's all we ever hear about on the news. It's sad really, and you hit it very nicely in this opening lines, it really sets up the poem well.

rescue us from each other
for we are killing all we know
and at the end of the madness
what will there be left to show

It just screams we're our own worst enemies, because we are. It's well written here, war, famine, poverty, all of it runs rampant all over the world. Might I take the time to say this is very well structured.

rescue us from natures hand
and our cities will not flood
but instead of stopping death
we prefer to shed our blood

In our modernization we have staved off most of the more natural form of death, flood, earthquakes, etc.. but in our own cruelty, we kill more people ourselves than nature ever did. Slightly ironic? I think so

rescue us from burning flames
from our lands covered in smoke
inhaling on the rotten fumes
on which ourselves only choke

We did that one to ourselves, pollution all over the place. It's just another form of killing ourselves really, so it ties in very nicely with the previous stanza.

rescue us from the dark side
on which none of us should tread
but there's a constant battle within us
that plays trickery in our head

It seems to me that the battle is between what is right, and what is easy. Just because something is easy doesn't always make it the right thing to do. But we're humans, so easy is much more attractive...

rescue us because we need it
but who's left to save the day
we're all under the same spell
we are the predator and the prey

This is a great ending, it builds and builds and then explodes like an atom bomb right here at the end. The predator and prey wording takes us back to nature. You raise some interesting questions with that notion, is what we're doing natural? maybe this progression is just nature's way of getting rid of us? Who knows. It's very well done and you take the flow of your poem by the reigns and ride it around at full tilt. It's very well done. The human race needs to rescue itself. It needs one brave soul to step up and say "Hey, quit being a bunch of idiots. We're killing ourselves." Thank you for such an interesting read. =]

5/5

*Danielle

I like the message you have tried to give through this poem and it is very clear. All of us are digging our grave, but we have not gone beyond that point from where we cannot return. There is still hope, and only if we start to think as human first. Forgetting about religiond, countries and all the other things and think of all the human race as one.