Behind Closed Doors

As I sit and reminisce about the year when I was just nine I instantly go back to the point in my life when my innocence was no longer mine

An older family member of mine, was my baby-sitter each day
Known as the only little girl in my family at the time, I was only nine years old, I swore to him this story would never be told
There is no way to evade the past so now I put my fears aside and finally I have something to say

The touch of his hand made me want to die
The sound of his voice made my nights full of endless cries
He would say dont worry just be quiet and sit
But deep down I knew he was full of shit
He constantly kept me traumatized as a child
He always had a way of convincing others that I was a strategic liar
Scared to death to tell anyone I just nodded and smiled

I couldnt understand how, why he would force me drop to my knees I would beg and plead for him to let me go constantly crying please
Each time hoping to GOD someone would open that door to the room filled with such painful encounters
But it seemed as if no one else existed in the world just his devious ways, my countless resistances and my persistent prays
He would force me to provide him with orgasmic pleasures
And would punish me when I wouldnt fulfill his sexual measures

I would go home each day feeling like trash from the bite marks on my breasts to the point of me feeling depressed
He made me believe that no one cared about me from comments like Whos going to listen to you, you are just a dumb little girl who lies Deep down I questioned what if I tell someone that he is touching me in inappropriate places from my non-developed breast, to my sensitive vagina, to my inner thighs. They are going to think I am exaggerating. I thought.

I wish I knew that he was just manipulating my mind and soul. But how could I handle this at just nine years old. For years I have felt like I should be punished for this unforgivable sin.

Its eight years later and I question how he sleeps at night, knowing that he molested his baby cousin when she was only nine and he was thirteen.
So what do you do when no one knows of this terrible ordeal that took place 8 years ago? Till this day I am still carrying the burden of what goes on behind closed doors, one day I pray that this door will somehow vanish

This is a true story
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