Oh i guess u did

When I'm down and hurting inside
I wake up the next morning with these puffy eyes
Did you notice those boxes of pills missing from the draw
I mean you always asked why i locked my door
Didn't you notice my tear stained face
Or how white my skin had become... I'm such a disgrace
Did you notice my pale skin over Christmas
Or was that you trying to dismiss us
Why didn't you notice the pain I've been through
Don't you understand why i find it hard to talk to you
Why did you always ship me around like some kind of unwanted goods
Am i too bad now to ever appear in your good books
Popping pills and cutting my wrist.. i had to harm
It's like a drug... helping me to calm
When i sit there blood trickle from my wounds
I scream take this pain away, you ask for who
I need to do this... it's an addicting drug
For i need this... don't look at me smug
For sometimes when i thought i went to far
And others where i sat there thinking only a few pills could land me in internal dark
And...
When you die.. you are meant to die without regret
But thats something i won't do.. my life full of debt
I would rewind those lies if i could
In a second... i sure would
Never underestimate the thoughts of a teenage girl
For you realized how much i could turn this world
You hurt me so i hurt you
Because you cut me from the life i only knew
I told you how i feel... its never enough for you
But I'm pouring my heart out... as i slit yours in two
I never had proper friends.... if i did i can't see them
Because of what we did I'm banded from seeing them again
You said clean the whole house.... you would think your debt would be re-payed
But i just sat there said nothing as i think about it everyday
My whole life I'm paying for what i did
Every waking moment, thats far from what you said
You cannot forget the past or forgive me for what I've done
And when you said talk i started to hum
You said make at least one part better... in your world
So i decide to be small... so i hurl
I can't share my feelings with anyone.. its true
Because i don't believe in myself, and neither do you
No matter how many tears they shed
To hear that i want to be dead
Nothing seems enough anymore
I'm wishing for a permanently closed door
For i am apparently Cristen... which i always thought was strange
For i hate what i did every single day
When you are Christened.. you are accepted into the house of god
But with every good thing i do now.... the big guy forgets to nod
So if i am accepted in gods almighty house... the only place i am
I guess when this is over i throw it down the pan
For suicide is a sin
And i am believing
That the day i die.. not many will cry
For god will not be shaking my hand
But the devil before me, where i shiver in blood as forget how to stand