Happy New Year

I start to feel queasy,
my hands begin to shake.
i can't understand,
this sudden heartbreak.
tears fill my eyes,
and glide down my face.
i've just been released,
from your loving grace.
it's not for sure yet,
but i still feel the sorrow.
you imply the worst,
but you say you'll tell me tomorrow.

i know what to do,
and up the stairs i run.
i look around,
until i find my mum.
she hugs me tight,
softly, she strokes my hair.
she helps kill the pain,
just as i cry "it's not fair".

i go on my own,
and climb into my bed.
i clutch your teddybear,
as i lay down my head.
my tears wet the pillow,
and i used to think you cared.
i wish i could turn this,
into one giant nightmare.

but when i wake up,
she'll still be there.
and it will still be,
the worst "happy new year".
the hurt wont heal,
and what you've done wont change.
you may still love me,
but your love is derranged.