I cant help it

I cant help it if you hate me...
You should...
I hate myself for doing this to you...
I hate everything about the way that i am...
I'm sorry...
I push people away...
I don't cry when i should...
I bottle things up and pretend nothing is wrong...
There are only two people who can understand...
And i love you both...
But this is the way that it is...
And I'm sorry if i don't wake up one day...
It will all be over then...
And that is when i will be forgiven for everything that i have done to hurt you...
Don't try to stop me now...
Because it is too late...
Only one person can save me now...
And they don't even know...