Into pieces

You always wore your hair that same way.
I'd frame you just for display.
"You don't need them" you always told me, but right now they tie my laces and tend to my grazes, fallen like a child once more.
With ease you smooth me over, I love it when you exchange lies for the highs.
Spoon fed kindness until I'm full.
Nourish in tender phrases, kisses on my cheek.
They made me swoon.
My head hurts too much to bare but right now the radiator is all I think about.
Last night James walked with me in the rain.
His hand stopped it all flooding back.
I need more nights like this, I have nothing to lose.
I'd gamble my wedding finger for all I care.
The wind screams through my wind chime.
Nothing but a phase.
Its fine, it's ok.
I've said this all too much.
Five pages.
Billy smoked my cigarettes for me although I'd happily choke down his fumes.
He likes it that way.
Split seconds get me down.
Don't make him, don't break him.
Precious as each breath.
Talk a little louder for me sugar.
You're just too sweet for me, that's why you're my sugar fix.
And you know it, you know he hates it.
That's why he loves you oh so bad.
Uh oh.
Sean knew me too well.
Why I look away and how the stars make me smile.
He cuts me deep.
He brought me to the edge and dared me to move.
He knows I'm just too afraid, I dangle on this string and I can see it, feel it, but just can't break it.
Like the corners of your mouth, drawing me in each time.
I'm out of control.
Cutting loose with no direction.
This journey took far too long.
So many interruptions.
Nick took me close and held me still, ablaze dousing my flames just to get nearer.
Tasting of amber and with words to reveal.
Couldn't stand to be tarnished, so instead I'd hide my face.
While your world would be spinning I'll lay dressed in white.
Your overcoat warms me.
I bought a black balloon just in hope to reach you though I knew it was a lost cause.
I engage in that which may fall to pieces.
The thrills burn while the chipped china hurts my ears.
Turning over.
I pull the covers closer.
You're with me, you are.
"Always" you told me to my face.
I believe in better days.
If you tell me how you want to feel I'd touch you in that way.
I want to wake up where you were.
He was just too beautiful.
My train tells me I'm not too far now.
This is all sickly fiction.
I hate this clique.
Befriend me out of boredom, Jamie and I fell for each others eyes, she had such soul.
Once was enough to relight.
She exudes her beauty out and within.
She'd crush you swiftly with untapped grace.
Lock into each romance.
Come on let's get creative.
Sexy, cruel and you know we planned it.
No doubt about it baby.
Heading to destroy you.
We won't make it fast.
It doesn't bother me, not one bit.
I'd lie to myself, practice over night.
Just so I could seem effortless when I saw you.
Stupid and we both knew it, we still did this.

-i wrote this on the train home from wickford, alot of it is rambling but i find train journies oddly inspiring. i was just just looking back through times and events and this is what i came up with.