Always eat up all the food on your plate,
Don\'t let your clock go slow, or you will be late.
Never tell your children french letters are no good,
AND REMEMBER -- Never tell anyone a joke you don\'t understand
because the punchline could be rude.
Always tell your mother you\'ve put clean undies on,
Don\'t talk about anyone until you\'re sure they\'ve gone.
Never sell a friend a car that will not work,
AND REMEMBER -- Never show the film \'Midnight Express\' to
anyone who just happens to be a Turk.
Always get up in the morning and go out for a run,
Don\'t ever use bad language in the company of a nun.
Never offer anyone the use of a dirty hankerchief,
AND REMEMBER -- If you ever meet anyone with mad cow disease
don\'t ever offer them any beef.
Always put the cap back on the toothpaste tube,
Don\'t ever in the company of women call their tit a boob.
NEVER tell your father-in-law his daughter\'s no good in bed,
AND REMEMBER -- If you hate eating the meat of living animals
make sure that the buggers are dead.
Always take you mutt out when he\'s standing with crossed legs,
don\'t ever finish a bottle of wine, always leave some dregs.
Never tell a horse NO, always tell it NEIGH,
AND REMEMBER -- A dog is not just for Christmas, you can have
it on sandwiches on boxing day!!
