How I feel Sometimes

I sit and look around me,
And I feel crumpled up inside,
I don't know how to get things out,
And believe me I have tried,

I just can't seem to find the words,
I don't know what say,
I just need someone to understand,
And tell me it's OK,

In every single thing I do,
I always feel second rate,
And every single choice I've made,
It feels I've made too late,

Whenever I feel things have gone right,
And things start to make smile,
Something happens to change all that,
I'm only happy for a while,

I want to be happy by myself,
To be fine all on my own,
But I always feel churned up inside,
Whenever I'm alone,

I don't have many close to me,
I keep most people at bay,
And those I do let get that close,
Mean more than I could say,

The problem is when someone leaves,
Though I know that they'll be back,
I feel like my world is crashing down,
And I my heart begins to crack,

At times like this I have one wish,
To give up the ability to feel,
It hurts so much and hurts so deep,
It's like I'll never heal,

All the logical points of view,
Even experience first hand,
My emotional side just doesn't cope,
I just can't make it understand,

It all builds up inside my head,
At times I want to cry,
And I just can't seem to get a break,
No matter how hard I try,

I wish there was some secret cure,
That there was something I could take,
That would make it all just go away,
That would take away the ache,

I know however this can't be done,
And that I have to feel the pain,
I only hope it goes away,
Before I go insane.
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It's been a while since I have written anything.