Lying to myself

How come I'm always the last to know
Whats going on among us all
and I'm never the first to be called
When you hang out or go to the mall
why do I get blamed for the gap between us
when I'm never invited to go
And even when i make my own plans
You don't come although you know

Everytime I think we're getting closer
We're drifting further away
and you wonder why when we're together
you and I have nothing to say .
and i hate the way you make me feel
When I'm at school each and every day
The feeling where i don't want to get up
because I'm afraid to face today.

Afraid to accept
that y'all are never there
When I need u the most
to help fight away my fears
And I try to be there for you
and listen when i can
but sometimes you don't let me
even though I'm part of the clan.

And i hate lying to myself
When I say i've got friends
because friends are people who are there for you
Who accept your own trends
But I love how you pretend to listen
and ask questions now and then
and as soon as I'm done talking
You make up an excuse to leave again.

And I'm left in silence
in the middle of the night
wondering if you'll ever understand
and try to make things alright
But for now I'm still smiling
trying not to break down
When my helpless dying soul
is being abandoned on the ground.

Copyright © 2006 by Melissa Liew