Maybe it was fate

Maybe it was fate

His name was Paul
So caring, so sweet
He wasn’t very tall
But his intellect was nearly twelve feet.

I tapped him on his shoulder
The first day of sixth grade
I reached in my folder
And showed him the poem I made.

We started talking
And we couldn’t stop
One day we were walking
And my heart fully hopped.

I thought for a while
Is it lust or love
Every time I smiled
It was him I thought of.

We started to get close
And I liked him more and more
I didn’t want to overexpose
Everything I hoped for.

Mid-December came around
There was a funeral I had to attend
My whole world completely drowned
When I discovered Paul wasn’t my friend.

“You’re cousins” our moms’ said
I didn’t know what to do
I spent the whole night in bed
Wondering if my love was true.

The next day at school
Didn’t help at all
I was a fool
To be in love with Paul.

I tried to avoid Paul
But it didn’t work
Feelings in a brawl
Emotions berserk.

My feelings were wrong
I knew it from the start
His smile sang a song
That I heard in my heart.

I hid the truth
Until I was ready to explode
It was now the moment of truth
My fate at a crossroad.

Thinking I shouldn’t tell him
But I thought he’d understand
I was shaking from limb to limb
While touching his hand.

I told him I loved him
He stood there in shock
My life turned grim
I just wanted to walk.

Walk away from the fact
That I loved him so dear
It wasn’t an act
He was reacting in fear.

Fear of the forbidden
Still not saying a word
His emotions were hidden
Sense of reality massacred.

I ran off to class
While he stood there
Our friendship out of gas
And about to turn into warfare.

The next Monday came so fast
He wouldn’t even look at me
A couple of days had passed
And he began to talk to me.

Things were never the same
Since that evil, vicious day
I was put to shame
But at least he was okay.

He talked to me as time progressed
Decided to put things in the past
Things were not so stressed
But that didn’t last.

There was one more secret I shared
And he never liked me again
His patience was dared
I was a poison pen.

From the end of sixth to eighth grade
He tortured my soul severely
Our relationship began to fade
I lost everything I held dearly.

I continued to feel the same way
Until the summer before high school
I needed to breakaway
From self shame and ridicule.

I didn’t see Paul
All through freshman year
Seeing him in the hall
Was all that I feared.

It’s now tenth grade year
I don’t love him anymore
He’s always near
I want to stop this war.

I want to apologize for everything that I’ve done
But if I were to do so
Would he sit back or would he run.

I can’t stand seeing him everyday
It’s just too hard to bare
I want so bad to say
“I’m sorry”, but he wouldn’t care.

If any wish could come true
I’d wish to go back in time
That’s what I would do
To not make my love sublime.

His name is Paul
So caring, so sweet
We hit a stonewall
And haven’t found the street.