The pain she gives me

I hate the way she acts around me. why does she act as if she can't see the way she chooses to be all the time. why would i do whatever i could to make her mine? i hate the feelings that i still have for her. i can't believe that i still adore her. when she's around me, she only asks for money. this is the only time she sees me as somebody. i give her what she asks for whenever she wants it. every reason that i had then about her i still have. i love her still, i don't know why i do. she gives my heart more breaks, every second a few. now more all she ever does is hurt me. why shouldn't i die and from this pain I'll set myself free. i can only cry when i start to bleed. not because of pain from cutting my wrist. but it's what i need to do to still have some feelings to want to exist. to feel less pain from a blade is much better than from her. when cuts through my skin are seen, thinking about her with always acre. the cutting I've stopped for some time too long. her speaking to me the way she did makes me choose wrong. so I'll start again when the time is right. i don't know when, but more than likely at night. obviously no matter what she chooses to do. just know if you're her who reads this for how long it's true. i was, still am, and always will some how love you.