I don't know how to put pain on paper
nor talk without losing control
within my heart lies no care
it has a permanent hole
I'm as empty as a 6 foot grave
all i see is black and red
my perception of life is finally gone
My senses have gone dead
fingers have been worked to bone
lips in a welded frown
personality is in question
hands and feet are bound
no torture can be greater
then the type i deal myself
mental put-downs are daily now
dying is my health
strip by strip my skin is cut
to only bleed my hurt
some have stopped trying to make me laugh
my few words are curt
leave me be so i can heal
and close my tired eyes
all i do is stare into space
I've already cried myself dry
i allowed myself the opening
i allowed myself to care
see where that has gotten me
my dignity i failed to spare
the feeling in my stomach
is that of happiness gone
now all i hear are tired tears
and my hearts own empty songs
i cry at all the wrong things
and my hope has been my curse
the constant reminders are everywhere
to make all matters worse
please don't ask me to move on
i refuse to let that memory go
i dream of hurting myself constantly
that dulls the pain i know
an empty spot that was my love
was stomped to death by fate
I'm forced to dam up all my pain
behind a threadbare gate
every time i smile
and decide to have some fun
i think how he would love to do this
and realize i have never won
my heart has thickened with its loss
and refuses to say goodbye
i only wish that he were here
and i thank him for opening my eyes
for being there with a smile
and a laugh and then a hand
and for making a lovely pearl
from a single grain of sand
