This Past While

Rehab units
adolescent wards
new scars
for an unknown cause

straight jackets
padded walls
night time pills
to break my falls

kicked out of home
with nowhere to go
heart ache worsens
on my body it shows

broken heart
bleeding wrists
bruised skin
from daddies fists

anti-depressants
no longer ease my pain
drug abuse
still the same

boyfriend can't
control his liquor
keeps promising
things will get better

he says he loves me
then backs it up with abuse
he kisses me better
and blames his short fuse

starving body
can not eat
if i do i purge
sweet defeat

bones show
competing with myself
deny the disorder
lost my health

love lost
two friends dead
to much going on
inside my head

cant take school
disgraceful marks
failing subjects
work too hard

pop some pills
wash them down with vodka
pass out in my vomit
feel like i don't matter

life too hard
can't go on
fifteen years
pretending I'm strong

just a few things
Ive been through this past while
hating my life
feeling so vile

but I've made it this far
and it's been hard at times
I'm not proud of some of the things I've done
but as messed up as this life may be, it's the only thing i call mine.