Comments : Might as well have..

  • 18 years ago

    by holly

    I really like this espically this stanza

    Her screaming i will never love you
    so just go away
    all he ever wanted
    was for her to stay

    and the ending is great oo well done xx ALLYxx

  • 18 years ago

    by Psymon

    Very good, I found it very moving and sad... I have been there, but not suicidal, thoughts perhaps... Keep writing
    mitakuye oyasin (we are all related)

  • 18 years ago

    by veronica

    Wow that was really good..... very sad but the emotion is so powerful... its moving!! good job

  • 18 years ago

    by Sole

    So sad, 2 things,

    lifting his now heavy body of the bed

    body off the bed maybe?

    And the second to last line could be better as she mght as well have rather than as again . . Hope ths helps!!

    All together, aboslutely amazing poem, huge power on the last line, really impressive . . .

    Peace. [Sole]

  • 18 years ago

    by Tripp

    Holy crap...one of the best poems i've read for a while. this is definitely something you should be proud of. you must have connected with so many people on so many levels....keep up the excellent work.

  • 18 years ago

    by Bridgette

    Wow! this poem is so good. i especially liked the stanza

    Her screaming i will never love you
    so just go away
    all he ever wanted
    was for her to stay

    very good!! i loved it! 5/5*

  • 18 years ago

    by Maiya

    What a beautifully sad poem. I really like how you make the reader feel like they're watching what's happening, great imagery. By the way thanks 4readin my poem hun! :)
    Love, maiya

  • 18 years ago

    by Dark Kitten

    This was an extremely sad poem. I loved it, and believe this would be even better if you would do a spell check on it. There are a few misspellings and grammer mistakes. Other than that, it was great.

  • 18 years ago

    by Ashlick

    OMG i absolutly LOVE this poem because its actually the first one about a guy going through what i am going through actually and i only thought girls went through that stuff but this made me realize that boys can actually love and i read this right after i thought guys couldnt love...well i absolutly LOVE it keep it up!

    Ashlick (Ashley)

  • 18 years ago

    by Ashlick

    OMG i absolutly LOVE this poem because its actually the first one about a guy going through what i am going through actually and i only thought girls went through that stuff but this made me realize that boys can actually love and i read this right after i thought guys couldnt love...well i absolutly LOVE it keep it up!

    Ashlick (Ashley)

  • 18 years ago

    by StefQ

    Excellent poem with an amazing ending , and what an imagination :) the only thing i can suggest is to make al your lines in the stanza's almost equal in length , it's more pleasant reading the poem then :) anwyays good job 5/5 :)

    ~StefQ

  • 18 years ago

    by blackrose1011

    It flows nicely, they ryhme helps that. however you stetch to far to fit your ryhme in a few places. its like you picked the words and then wrote the line. I can't really explain it. Just dont go out of you way for the ryhme. that will improve the meaning forthe reader.

    great read, thanks for reading mine!

    ~Blackrose

  • 18 years ago

    by *~vixen~*

    This one really touches your heart.
    5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by louise

    This poem is realli realli good.... keep it up...louise xx

  • 18 years ago

    by Kaitlyn

    Wow. that ending was just amazing. and the start aswell. it was really good, yet sad. but sheesh the ending was like woah. a really good final finish. you wrote this so well.

    Kat

  • 18 years ago

    by RetroRavey

    Wow, your really good. Just so you know ur going on my fave's thingy.

  • 18 years ago

    by Lost & Delirious

    I like this poem, it's different from everything I'm used to, and well written. Good job. Keep writing. 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by lost_laureate

    Oooh...the typo in "dragged" just tipped it off at the end. But right from the outset you had me hooked...sustaining a plot....very ambigous title which you intergrated with subtlety into the poem....

    ACE!

    [lostlaureate -come find me]

  • 18 years ago

    by master of shadow

    Great peice. the story is clear and gripping and the peice overall is layed out brilliantly. it's unusual to read abotu a male cuttingrather than female, so it's pritty uunique. the last stanza is defantly yhe best part, really adds strengh to the overall peice.

    5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Mitch

    I love it, I know what this feels like.
    Good job.Keep it up