My Life

I've lost control of everything
It slips right through my grasp
I'm searching for the answers
So many questions to be asked
What did I do to deserve this
Am I the only one to blame
For all the pain and sorrow
For all the tears and shame

My family is falling apart
I don't know if it can last
Daddy hits and throws his fits
Mommy drink her pain into the past
My sister makes bad choices
She's screwing up her life
Still she's noticed more than me
They don't know how much I cry

My old friends have all left me
Time has pulled us apart
Two of them died, some just lied
The others broke my heart
My new friends don't understand me
There's so much that they don't know
They can't relate so they just give up
Leaving me alone with nowhere to go

My boyfriend doesn't talk to me
He's shallow and he's shy
I know he's trying but still I'm dying
Because he can't look me in the eye
My ex says he wants to kill me
He's drunk jealous, and he's not kidding
He's tried before but claims he loves me
Still he continues lying, cheating, and hitting

At night I try to stay awake
I know the nightmares will be coming
I see my fears, I feel the tears
Drenched in sweat with my heart drumming
The doctors say I'm getting worse
They don't always know whats wrong
The symptoms just keep adding up
They tell me to be strong

Why does this happen to me
And it's only getting worse
The fights, the lies, the pain, the fear
No matter where I turn it hurts
I want to scream and run forever
I want to leave this all behind
I want to start over and just forget
About the answers I need to find