My last piece

I swear to you
i am not lying
these are my crying tears
that my fears inside
rule my life
and with every moment i make
my fears control
for i am too scared
to risk it all

i have done this risk before
pouring of my entire self
on to ones
i thought who could handle
the broken pieces of my life
and help me mend them
help me fix them
i thought that i was going to be happy
i thought that they would stay
i thought that they could be my rock
but as my fears screamed out so loud
that i was wrong
i wish i would have never
risked it all
because before i thought i was in pieces
but i can see
i know that i have been broken into more

i am just sick of this pain
sick of being alone
why can't anyone see
that my tears are of shame
that they are full of pain
that the marks on my face
from these fallen tears
are the scars i have
that remind me that i am alone
now and forever
till the bullet hits my head
i know that no one truly loves me
that no one truly cares for me
that no one truly stays

do not mock me
do not say i want pity
i spit on pity
how dare you say that i want you to cry for me
i am hurt and insulted
and do not say to me
that you will stay
you are not God
how dare you try and act like that
i hate you for saying that
because it puts in my head
the one thing i know i can not rely on
that is hope of course
i spit on that too
hope is an insult to the strong
hope is the grave keeper of the weak
hope is the one thing i do not wish to bear me
because no hope is strong enough
no hope can save

i say many things in my life
i love you
i hate you
i like you
i want you
i will be here tomorrow
i will not hurt myself
i will not stand for my words
and i be forced to
for i do not want to survive this world
i just want it to end
for with my happiness gone
and my chances of it to return gone too
who would want to live

you are looking at the last piece of me
enjoy it while you haven't
for if results go bad
i will destroy this last piece
it will be gone
and like i predict
so will be your thoughts of me
so will be your love that you "said" was there

i will finally get my laugh
my truth
of my life
i will get what is rightfully mine
the chance, no, the property to see my life
spin out of control
from a different view