Thoguh this is detailed, it's really more full of action that I wanted to just pause it for one moment to see how emotionally damaged this person was instead of reading what the person is doing and going through. The formatting looked as thugh you could have just made this a story and gone more with the detail or taken some words out here and there and make it flow better as a poem. The concept is over done. I mean, you try and take a new approach to it which is good but in the end it really is just the same basic idea. Maybe slow it down a bit or reformat it. Just some suggestions.

I agree with Kaylee about the over use of action. the detail and description are good, just seems to need a bit more feeling and a little less doing within. the structure and description though are very good.

I love the detail and heavy use of mysterious wording... I was reading this in the dark and it sent chills up my back! I agree with kayla, although action is always fun, there can be a little to much where you start loosing your reader... but still an overall nice write!5/5

Very detailed with a mysterious back drop and lots of action. Fast paced and great to read

I loved the details and the mysteriousness but i definately agree with Kaylee this time... it is more like a story then a poem. -jen-

Wow i loved this poem!! But i have to agree with Jen its more like a story!! I loved the details tho!! Great job

Very good description, and good visual effects. nice poem 5/5

Omg, thats so sad.. i was crying.. actually i still am.. that is so.. real.. god.. i felt lik i was there watching this unfold in front of me.. excellent work! 5/5
jessy xox
p.s. still crying! lol! :P

It has to be said it's not a new topic, however you disguised a heartbroken suicide quite well, almost pulling it off as an "original idea."
You used some good descriptions. Your language use was clever too, certainly emotive.
Good job.

Its crazy how life can get sometimes...but you gotta remember to try to stay strong...the poem is good but I agree with everyone else it is more like a story....

I love it.
People have written poems like these, but yours is so successful of completely getting the reader involved.
I felt helpless over here..
wow really powerful poem.
And the flow was actually good, easy to read.
Well done hun:)
xoxox

Wow, very descriptive. It's a beautiful story my dear. I've been there so many times. Such a beautiful, vivid picture.

Deep! very very deep, it had a lot of meaning, and had a lot of actions in it that you could picture. Although I'm not into the bloody, cut up, kind of stuff, it was still an enjoyable read. good job!

**meggie**

Wow this was really well written and deep just like others I have read. You have a profound way with words that really signifies the meanings of your poetry. I loved the imagery and the structure of the poem itself. Keep up your wonderful work! 5/5

Lovely Poem Megan.

Love MKKA!