No one ever said, "Hey kid, this is easy."

Please forgive my detachment
But I'm being taken under the wing of a panic attack
I won't wait for myself to retch
Instead I'll make my way to the empty street
Glistening in the moonlight
As soon as my Chucks hit the pavement
I'll be gone
I won't pay any attention
To where I could be going
Just run from everything
And hope I won't have to stop

In that moment
I'll actually forget
There will be nothing but my heavy breathing
And the wind rushing in my ears
Nothing but the adrenaline pumping through my veins

My feet will be slapping the asphalt
Driving me ever onward
I will evade the horrible things that have happened
And all those heart-wrenching emotions
But I'll know they're dogging on my heels
They'll simply get closer and closer
No matter how fast I run

I'll realize my mind isn't able to escape
I'll choke on a sob through my panting breaths
And then,
It will all come crashing down around me
Everything will come rushing back with horrible lucidity

My legs will give out
And I'll fall heavily upon the road
The wind getting knocked from my lungs
I'll curl my fists
Trying to grasp onto anything
Trying to hold on tight
Wishing I had an anchor
Something that will keep me grounded
I'll pant miserably against the street
My heart will ache
From more than just the hard run
I'll close my eyes
Letting the scents of the earth fill my lungs
I won't bother moving
Just try to keep myself under control
A few tears will leak from my eyes
And roll down my cheeks
I'll try to clutch the ground tighter
I'll try to keep from slipping
Into the attack that will hover
On the fringes of my mind

My breathing will gradually slow
And I'll recover from my frenzied sprint
But even when my shaking has ceased
And I gather my strength again
I won't move

The cool cement will feel good against my heated skin
And I won't want to pick my head up
I won't want to face the world again
For moments I will huddle against the earth
Hiding my face from everything
And I will re-emerge only when I'm ready