AWSOMEE!!! omg its sooo good

Damn its really good, darkness with the blend of a storyline, really chilling, liked it all the way.

all the best and take care
5/5

Wow! Very creepy & it gave me chills. You wrote this very well and it is definitely a very imaginative idea, which I absolutely loved by the way. It seems so surreal yet real, weird. lol. But you did a great job on this! 5/5**

"It know she has not long to last."
-knows*

Very good poem. It was very flawless in flow until the last two stanzas. They seem to take away the rhythm a bit. The words were very strong and this was a scary poem, but very very good. I just suggest to spruce up the last two stanzas so that the flow can stay steady. My overall rating of this poem is 4.6/5, but I'm going to rate it a 5, because there's no 4.6 or any #.# for that matter. Keep writing, you have an amazing talent!!

By the way, my favorite stanza was:

"It makes her take infected needles,
And stab them underneath her nails.
It watches all this through her eyes,
And slowly it prevails."

Very creepy, but very well-written as well. Keep it up!!

~BJ~

OMG!! that poem is scary - Im not sure what it means but i hear what it says - im not sure what to say but that poem is great...

Wow holy shit this poem kicks ass i didnt mind that it was long i couldnt stop reading it i was so fouced....wow ***** 5 stars this poem rocks

Omgosh!! this is amazing!!! kinda creapy but awesome!!!! love it!!!

Wow, very descriptive and long, well not to long, it was well written and very thought out I loved it.

The world inside her hidden
[is hidden]
The only thing happening was her bloody hand,
Scratching her own torn up wrist.
[my favorite line]

Damn.. Very nice... I really disliked all the !!!!'s but that's your own expression. To me it took away from it... But it did give me chills.. I expected darker, but it as very good nonetheless.

xDarkSuicidex 5.5

Great poem and i really enjoyed reading it
keep it up

Wow. Its like a horror movie! Amazing! 5/5 you deserve no less!! my fav parts are:

She made three last pricks
She wrote in blood, 666.

(i sorta combined it...)

Great poem! keep up the amazing work! 5/5

Ohhhhh. I must say this is one of my favorite dark poems. I am a HUGE fan of them. Your's was amazing. It told a great story and gave me shivers. Really nicely done.

This is an amazing poem! when i was reading it i could see everything! through the poem! wow

This part gave me the shivers

"It makes her take infected needles,
And stab them underneath her nails."

You are now on my favourites list. Another 5/5

Omg tht gave me the chills!!! i luved it...wow awsome!! but somhow I can relate..

Very intense storyline. Great job. Some improvements you could make is to add more adjectives. Keep it up

Omg i defiantly like this poem a lot.
wow you did such a wonderful job on it.
it was scary. it sounded like a book.
you should write more poems like this.
keep it up! 5/5

~Kristina

Wow, that really weird, but in a good way. well done, near perfect poem, 5/5
~She Died Screaming

Outstanding write! Only one line didn't flow well: She sits there under a dead tree,--- in the second stanza. Other than that this poem is really good! I love the imagery and everything about it! Keep writing!!!

xxEvilAngelxx

I see the comments by the others.. it seems many people can realte to your poem. But well, I did not want to rate it 5, so I have not rated it so that you will not hink that I downvoted it on purpose.

To me, your storyline and visions are superb but he poem as a whole failes in keeping my attention on it through out. I will point out a few things that I think can be improved.

First of all, the first sour stanzas are too plain and add nothing to the vision or the horror fo teh poem apart from telling that she is alone, possessed(frustrated, crazy, etc...) and is hallucinating. So i relly think the first four stazas whould be eliminated and replaced by a more well thought out single stanza or even two stanza can do no harm, but four stanzas with nothing are just too long. It will also reduce the length of the poem and hence keep the interest of teh reader intact. I am not a appreciator of short poems but believe me, proper length does help. Also, by looking at the flow I feel that you struggled a bit while beginning to write this concept... and once you caught the flow you have become better from the sixth stanza onwards.

The line

"The voice then brings her back inside" pus off the reader's thought process as it has not been mentioned that she had been taken outside the hidden world inthe previous lines; so "back inside" is spoiling the flow.

The line"Be careful what you wish for" definitely should eb replaced by something that does not address the reader in direct, as the whole poem is asecond person narration and the reader is no way addressed anywhere in the Vision.

"But trying to cut through the mist" is "by trying to cut through the mist" I think.

Just my thoughts, please do not mind if I have crossed my limits.

Can I request you to go through my works

"My Languid Loneliness"
"Life"