I Don't Quite know

I just can't seem to get anything out
Each time I'm in the presence of a beautiful girl
I immediately lose my way with words
A simple hello
repeats over my head like a halo

my body becomes stiff
So not to do anything embarrassing
Movements with the least efforts

I've been this way my whole life
Letting people portrait only what I want them to see of me
And that which deceives.

I am not so wise and calm
inside these pockets are sweating palms
I'm a fool with only regrets
A fool who would only fail to protect

I have nothing to be proud of
My Mind, As hellish as imaginable
My body, Too ugly and feeble

You may think that I say this in self indulgence
But I am a monster. If I could get away with It
I would Wear a mask
and cover up this cursed body until It meets its maker

My prayers were heard, but not answered.
All I Do is ask, All I ever do is want
What else can I do, my body and mind are so corrupted
To the extent that The Sunlight On My skin makes my blood boil to its limits.

I don't know, We all have have our problems and faults
Maybe I'm just being Ignorant
Or Maybe The voice inside my head is right
But i don't trust my own voice enough to other voices
I have scars that scared others and myself even more