Tired

I am tired of all this lying.
I am tired of all this pointless trying...
To be who I am not,
For others who matter to the person I am not.
Sometimes I wish that life felt more cushioned,
And that dreams were more peaceful,
And hearts were less heartless.
Sometimes I see you and I smile,
I just sit in wonder,
Feeling high off life,
But then suddenly loneliness creeps over me.
I feel alone.
You are there for me.
That I can see,
But words can not express how I feel.
I do not understand why all this seems so surreal.
I want to feel more confident,
And I want to just let my emotions go,
I want to truly be me,
I want everyone to see me as me.
It is hard to act out what you feel,
After years of hiding.
After years of confiding in only myself.
It is what I want though.
To cry and then be happy,
To smile at you because I am happy.
I do understand what love is,
And that I have only experienced heartache may be part of it,
But I want everyone to see that I want to be me.
Truly.