Memoirs of a messed up life...

Kind of long... please read the whole thing though
To bleed without shedding any blood
To cry without drowning in a flood
To know that you will always be alone
To not be able to call any place your home
To be tired of everybody being fake
To reach the limit of how much you can take
To scream without making a sound
To hide even though no one's around
To be wrong even when you're right
To hide in your depression even though the sun is shining bright
To not be able to find a place where you belong
To break down when you know you're strong
To know these wounds will never heal
To realize pain is what you'll always feel
To dream without closing your eyes
To always believe your ever-truthful lies
To live while you're waiting to rot
To not be able to rid your mind of suicidal thoughts
To look but not be able to see
To strive to achieve something you will never be
To love someone but only cause them pain
To always be questioned if you're fully sane
To fail at recognizing your own reflection
To be the perfect imperfection
To follow no one but listen to all
To know there's nobody to catch you when you fall
To forget to remember the ones you used to admire
To know that death is your one and only desire
To look at your arm and see only scars
To fall down even though you were reaching for the stars
To live your whole life wearing a mask
To always wonder if love is too much to ask
To smile while on the inside you're dying
To pretend and to always be lying
To feel broken and shattered even when you're acting tough
To regret things from the past you used to be proud of
To cry yourself to sleep every night
To bleed while waiting for things to be right
To find nothing to replace your long gone past
To watch as everything happens so fast
To wait for another effin airplane to destroy everything you have built
To feel only pain and forever guilt
To save all the love you could be giving
To decide life's over-rated and life's not worth living
To forever be nothing more than everything you despise
To lie to someone while starring them in the eyes
To go through this every single day
To keep quiet even though you have things to say
To be wishing for death while being in a living hell
To not be able to understand the meaning of this story I tell

All of this you read and see
Is just an outline of how it feels to be me
So the next time you think I have the perfect life,
You should try to live with all this strife,
Try to imagine how it would be
If only for day you were bl00dy me.

This may sound way too messed up to be true
But why the f u c k am I counting on you?
You never truly cared and you never will
So why am I loving you still?
I am pushed to the limit of how much I can take sh1t,
So now all I'll do is leave my wrists slit,
Let the blood pour out for every tear I've cried,
For every shattered dream, and every part of me that has already died.

So don't judge what I am about to do
Cause... well, f u c k you!
You don't know what it's like to be me
And I really hope you never see.