My Loss

As tears of blood fall from my eyes
I realize how alone I really am.
Red stained trails cover my face
And drip off onto the ground below me.

My hands shake as I see the blood
Dripping slowly, teasingly off of my face.
I shudder as the warmth of it
Hits my ice cold body.

My lips are blue
My body stiff with the known fact of what is happening.
My breathing slows
My heart coming slowly to a stop.

For a split second I close my eyes
Pretending the pain has gone away.
As I open them again
I feel different, lighter.

As I look around me my surroundings are different.
Am I hallucinating?
Am I dreaming?
Then I look down in surprise.

Lying below me
Eyes wide open and staring
Is me!
Or at least my body.

How can this be?
How is this possible?
I ask myself
Over and over again.

My eyes begin to close again
But this time I cannot stop them.
As hard as I try
I can't stop the shadows that fill my mind.

As soon as I am able
I open my eyes.
And am stabbed by a shooting pain
Looking down I realize I am in my body again.

Was it a dream?
Was it a hallucination?
No, I remember the feeling.
The feeling of painlessness.

How wonderful a feeling
Out of body and mind I can feel it.
But how about in a materialistic world?
In a world meant for pain and sorrow?

Lying here I know I will live
I know that the pain and sorrow will come back.
That it is something I will have to deal with
My mind lightens and the pain seems to lighten.

My wounds will be reminders
Of a life I do not need.
Of a life I will not go back to
These scars will forever keep me sane.