Hate Me

You should hate me...
For all the times you had to hold me,
Because I wouldn't stop
Reaching for the knife.
And you caught so many of my tears,
But I caught none of yours.
I've lived my life
And screwed it up...
And in turn your world was shattered
Every time you saw
My mutilated arms.
(A sight a mother should never have to see.)
You need to hate me...
Because I was so horrible to you,
When I was angry
At myself.
I kicked and screamed in the night
Not wanting to go home.
I've caused you pain
So many times...
But you still love me, even now.
Why do you still hold me,
And call me your sunshine?
(Like I'm still the light
That died so long ago...)
Why don't you hate me....?

* this is for my mother... she's put up with so much of my crap, and yet still can smile at me every morning, and hug me without flinching... I don't know how she does it... but I'm so glad that she does.*