Thoughts blahblah [nothing good]

Yeah. that was from a while ago. its all cheesy&all that boring jazz to other people. so i wouldn't even bother reading it but i felt like posting this. soo yuppp..

too bad that i made all my mistakes with you. now i know better and it doesn't even make a difference. i wish i wasn't blind, because I've lost you forever. you're that one person I'd honestly do anything for,even though you don't want to listen,and don't care because its over. you gave up when you swore and promised you never would be able to,despite of how this is all ended up,I'd listen to what you have to say when I'm dying inside,because... for once someone actually gave a shit about me.. that was important me.... i took a chance,and i fell. i didn't think it would turn out this way because i knew with how much you relieved the pain i feel from my past,all my insecurities,all my worries just meant nothing anymore,you opened my eyes..i saw that life could actually be worth it. thank you for that. thank you for giving me hope for a few months that life would end up how I've dreamed my whole life. as weird as this actually is to me, just seeing you..seeing you're perfectly happy.. when some days i have to see your face,knowing my time to just get a chance to look at you is limited. i know if i asked you to stop walking away from me, that you'd continue.... because i made life harder for you,you did the total opposite for me. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty for doing something you had to do,and what i literally asked for when i was upset. i would never do that, it may seem as if i am but I'm truly not... I'm just trying so hard for you to see that.. I love you. i know you don't believe me because of how i acted during the relationship, or how i didn't act. you're what made me feel beautiful.. but now I'm back to feeling low deep inside,not letting people in because i know in the end they wish so badly they never even got involved with a girl like me. i hate making people feel that way, maybe that doesn't apply to you at all but I'm just putting it out there. at the end of each day, i cry because I'm losing more and more faith, i believed with how much love i felt that you'd never leave me permanently. i type paragraphs,poems about you everyday but i know what I'm saying, what i need to tell you, is completely not even a care to you. you know how in the beginning, like around this time last year, you said that age doesn't even matter, that it shouldn't... this really hurts because it means everything. I've been trying to look at things in your point of view, and I'm sure I'd follow the same road,to you this is like some little thing you can get over, but feeling what you made me feel, making me understand happiness... it means everything. in a couple of years, you'll be gone, I'll be staying here,and its gonna hurt,because seeing you,makes my whole day worthwhile,a reason for me to go through with another day. i finally have a reason for living, to see you. i know you don't love me, I'm not trying to force you too,even though i wish you did. some days I'll tell myself i hate you, but right then everything just gets quiet,like everything stops because my heart needs me to stop lieing to myself. I'm in this huge denial, of losing you due to my own actions. you're everything, that everyone wishes to be, or to have. some other girl, is going to deserve you, have you as theres,respect you're wishes better then i did. i wanted to give you everything, i still do... but just maybe, God made you for me, but didn't make me the one meant for you. at the end of the day, i know I'm who i am because i knew you.