Daddy I miss you

It has bin a while since I saw you dad,
And I am beginning to wonder why,
You left only 4 years ago,
And it sometimes makes me cry.

At first I thought you hated me,
Did not love me anymore,
Had to go as far as can be,
So walked straight out that door.

I held onto your jumper sleeve,
To try and make you stay,
I dragged you by your heels dad,
But much to my dismay.

For weeks not even a phone call dad,
Not even a goodbye note,
But I thought that guilt would drag you down,
And in the end you wrote.

"Im sorry what happened, happened love,
Im sorry that I went,
It was not because of you my sweet,
Thats why this letter I sent.

Remember on the swing set dear?
I used to push you high,
Your long blonde hair would fall right back,
Until you reached the sky.

Thats how I feel right now my love,
Im all alone up here,
And you and your mummy are down below,
And that is my number one fear.

It was not you I was meant to hurt,
You just got caught in between,
And what happened amid your mum and me,
Will always go unseen.

And now we are done and all is through,
I doubt I will see you again,
But remember I will always love you dear,
The love will always remain."

I read the letter at least 6 times,
Before I laid it down,
And suddenly, it all became clear,
My head span round and round.

I did not show mum the letter,
It just did not seem right,
But I hid it under my duvet,
And read it late at night.

And for only a month and a bit,
Nothing more was said,
Until one evening in July,
My mum stripped down my bed.

She found the letter lying there,
And read it word for word,
And there she was sat crying,
That horrible July the 3rd.

She told me that she loved me,
Said that is was hard,
But reading the letter that dad had sent,
Had caught her off her guard.

I hugged her in my arms that night,
And even made her tea,
But watching her depressed like that,
Was kind of hard to see.

She told me that she loved me,
She told me that she cared,
And even though my dad was gone,
She would always, always be there.

She said that what happened, happened,
All because of love,
Like a large and chubby hand,
That did not fit its glove.

She told me "that is what love is all about,
The falling in the falling out,
Your dad and me just reached the end,
Of a twisting and twirling unison bend."

And then she gave me a piece of advice,
And told me to treasure it so,
With a hand on my shoulder she whispered to me,
"Keep this on the down low.

When your older and grown stay close to your man,
Do not drift apart like us,
Just hug and love and spend time with him,
Do not make too much a fuss."

And now when I think of you daddy,
I think of mummy's advise,
If only you could have heard it too,
And maybe then you would of bin nice.

And even though that is all the past,
It is still the present to me,
You are my daddy and you should be here too,
Here to watch and see.

And I write this poem in hope to show,
You really how I feel,
I miss you daddy, I miss your touch,
And now it is all so real.