Forever

Hey good poem, I can't say i agree wth Torm about the rhyme scheme though... Just a few suggestions which you don't have to agree with...

**Let me be your soldier baby,
I'd fight a war for you girl,
No matter what the odds may be,
You being safe s'all that matters to me.**

i don't think you should put GIRL at the end of the second line, it's more effective without it and a ! at the end.
4th line shouldn't have 'safe s'all'. I'm sure you meant to put 'safe is all'
Be careful of rhyming line 1 3 and 4.

**All I ever wanted was to make you happy,
To feel loved and secure,
yeah I know this'll sound real sappy,
But I want you forever in my arms.**

2nd line secure-security.
3rd line kinda ruined it for me with sappy, it make the rhyme scheme too forced, rather in future write from your heart and don't stress about rhyming. Sappy already knocked the poem down a level in my eyes. Say something like this rather... And I'd Lay my heart on the line,
To have you forever in my arms.

**Forever sounds like a long @ss time,
Damn I cant think of another fvcking rhyme,
Sometimes I'm no good at this romance stuff,
but I know one thing is for sure,
Forever is nowhere near long enough.**

2nd line: Leave that out
5th line: Love that line it's beautifully expressive

**I've got all these feelings inside,
And there are just too many to hide,
They are getting too strong to fight,
So fvck it!
I'll just give in and say it,
You're all I dream about when I'm asleep at night.**

This paragraph is great, really liked this one.

**Sometimes when I wake up the next day,
It seems like you're asleep beside me,
It's almost like you're right there,
Like I could run my fingers through your hair,
And even though you're not,
It's always a great waking thought.**

Once again i liked this, you rhyme here but it isn't forced and barely noticable which makes it great! Don't force it, it must come naturally

**When you cry I wish I could steal your pain,
Erase some memories right from your brain,
Even though I cant I can still truly say,
I am forever here for you,
through each night and every day.**

Good once again:) Just 2nd line i'd say heart instead of brain, because it emphasizes your feelings and love and her pain when she cries, when people link emotions to something, it's the heart not the brain. Just a thought.

**I never expected one of cupids darts,
To find it's way to the center of my heart,
The day we met in winter's cold,
Upon my heart you got a hold,
I hope by saying this I'm not too bold,
But it was then I knew,
With whom I wanted to grow old,
And that person, well, Kimmy its you,
In the past, present and future,
now and forever,
I will always love you.**

1st and 2nd line was awesome.
3rd, 4th and 5th are ok, just once again you forced the rhyming and you rhymed 3 lines which contradicts to the rest of the poem, which was usually a b a c and now you've put 3 consecutive lines togethor rhyming. That ruined it for me because the 2 or 3 paragraphs was great writing and then this made it seem kinda amatuerish. NO OFFENCE.
Rest of it was good.

Anyways once again these are just thought, I meant no offence, just i believe its best to comment honestly. It's a good poem and i gave you 4.

Enjoy your day
Mwah

Hey!
i like this poem a lot coz you put a lot of emotion in it and its funny and sad at the same time! i like the rhyme scheme in this one! and looks like you are deeply in love with that girl! lol! anyways great poem! 5/5