Everyone around me
And everything inside
All of it is dying,
And it's something I can't hide.
Anger is stirring,
Sadness, pain and fear;
Things are flying at me,
Is there nothing I hold dear?
My friends and my family,
I know they're trying to help,
But I know I can't do it
If I can't help myself.
For some reason, though,
Some reason I can't understand,
I don't want to change,
I like the cards in hand.
However, I can't keep living like this,
Or I'll never make it out.
Though isn't love and caring
What life is all about?
I still have love and I still care,
But it's slowly fading,
I can't always feel it there.
Tears are streaming from my face
Thanks to all these confusing hours,
It's making me bitter,
And it's making me sour.
Stack upon stack of reminders and such;
I can't stand the memories,
No way, it's too much.
I know you're trying and I know this well,
But when I'm not trying, too,
I can't get out of this shell.
Why can't I just walk out one day?
Would it all just calm down, then?
Would it all just go away?
So maybe it might be easy,
But I don't see that,
My mind just won't let that be.
But even though I know my mind,
This thick mental shard,
Why can't I change it?
How come it's so hard?
The lightbulb inside me won't even stay lit.
Now I'm in the dark
Just like before.
I thought I've forgotten
I thought I closed those doors.
I don't want to go back to that place,
Not now, please, no way.
I don't want to be certain
That there's no path to pave.
I want to believe that there's hope,
To believe
That there's something worth living for,
That there's something to crave.
I know you, my friend and my mom;
You are the two reasons to care and to love.
I already know, yes, I do believe,
But there's still something left
That I have to retrieve.
Perhaps a new outlook,
Perhaps a break from the past?
If only, if only
That feeling would last.
I'm sick of this deep Hell hole.
I know this grave,
I know it is my own.
I have the shovel in my hand,
And a helmet on my head,
I just might dig this thing up
'Til I'm dead.
Still, there is that hope there;
The hope you two bring,
I know it will save me,
It will help ease this thing.
This thing on my mind that is
Devouring me whole,
This thing on my mind that is
My ultimate goal.
I ramble and ramble,
I rant and I rant,
But I can't help myself.
Why can't I do that?
Is there something inside me
That just won't let go?
Is there something inside me
That won't leave me alone?
I'm trying, I'm trying,
But it just won't leave.
I'm crying, I'm crying,
But it won't give me peace.
