Am i going to?

Twelve hours ago...
Was i awake
Was i suppose to be
Is there a time this society generally works
Is there a schedule my health should fallow
Ha
I wonder why I'm sick
Staying up 24 hours in a row
Then catching up with sleep the next 24 hours
Blood sager constantly low
an excuse for excessive amount of soda
Gained weight, lost weight
Hospital
No energy to play let alone work
Where am i going with this lack of trying
Trying to find a purpose
No
Why shouldn't i want to die
Everything inside me is already dead
Its not about the people i love and love me
This misery is causing me to push them away
I know what to do
I know i can fix it
But am i going to....