Suicide Note

I guess i brought this on
not telling how i really feel
just trying to be happy for everyone
and letting my pains slowly kill

what pain do i have, though?
to start, when my mother died
Dad never could help
he ran to bottles to hide

she left so amazingly suddenly
and i was so little
i hated never getting to say bye
which made the pain anything but minimal

and even when Dad hit me
i knew there was always a reason
and i don't mean the alcohol
but maybe his works busy season

then i was taken from him
to live with my aunt and uncle
it was there that i met her
beautifully named Nicole

life was good right about then
before our house caught fire
my uncle and aunt blamed me
i swear it wasn't but they called me a liar

so i ran away
i just wanted to be back home
and find my mom there
but all i found was alone

i loathe them so much
even after it was over
i still felt surprisingly bitter
that's when i turned to a razor

i loved the numbness
and the ensuing mark
but it's been only temporary
and to death i now embark

i still wonder about Nicole sometimes
it she might be looking for me
but i became Dad once and hit her
so that can't be

but as i sit here
writing all this down
and crying in the process
i will not frown

this has to help some, right?
as i leave for eternity
won't everything be fixed
and i can be somewhat happy?

all i need to do is pull this trigger
and then we'll... or i'll see
so, come on Death
come take me