Ink Tears

I would rather drown myself inside
then cry a single tear
because I've held them in for so long
every day of every year

I cried for a long time tonight
but these tears are not what you think
i did not cry tears through my eyes
but through my pen and ink

all my sorrow and my woe
drowning in the words i write
emptying through me once again
once again tonight

my hand is shaking, writing slow
i have so much to tell
these ink tears are slowly flowing
and flowing very well

when i was just a little girl
a little girl of five,
i told myself to never cry
that tears would not fall from my eyes

but now i don't know who i am
or where i am to be
somethings just not right here
somethings not right with me

trying to forget about my past
but i keep getting pulled back in
back to the nights that were so dark
the nights i let depression win

the nights that i felt i wanted to die
through the blade sitting next to my bed
take the gun out of the drawer
and put it to my head

but now the tears are rolling down my pen
instead of blood rolling down my arm
it almost seems a sin to cry
instead of cause my body harm

so through this pen...and through this ink
is how my body cries for me
every day of every year
slowly becoming free

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