A Liar To Desire

This is a really great poem thanks for reading my poems but yea I cant relate to this poem so much

Karma Hope,

The first thing is the poem is very loosely bound together, what I mean to say is tehr eis no flow in the poem apart from the flow of the concept. Your language contributes nothing to the flow, the poem continues only because of the emotion in it and the vision it creates in the reader. Please concentrate more towards language.

Do not misunderstand me, I completely agree that there is an emotional depth to he topic here, but I Really feel that you could have done much, much better in expressing it to the reader. It will sound a very blatant poem to someone who cannot relate to it.

The line
"You were walking, you smiled and said hi," is more suited to a prose than a poem "said hi" ruins the savority of the poem, use words such as "greet, glided past".

"I just gained my heart desire" should be "heart's desire" and do not use slangs that sound the same, morn is not the same as mourn for a reader.

In the following lines:

"I think we have feelings for one another,
I know if I said it, you would turn around and ask how?"

In the first line you just think , you are not sure that he has feelings for you too, but then in the second line you "know", i.e, you are sure... this spoils the conceptual flow of the poem.

Punctuate the line " Yet no spark no flame no fire" .

The below lines are where you must concetrate to improve your phrasing, flow and vision.

"For Now There is a spark, There is a flame but i'm sure you
dont want a fire, So Again I lay my feelings down to a low,
so my heart can silently morn the loss of that desire."

Finally, coming to the title. The tile by itself sounds attarctive but is it very relative? In the poem you are not lying to your desires that you do not feel anything towards him, you know your desires and you have accepted them, but you have suppressed voicing it or expressing it due to lack of involvement from the other person. How does it make you "A lair to (your) Desire", probably you are "A liar of Desire".

I do not know wheterh I like the ending or I hate it, I really cannot decide until you explain the title, but then it is not a bad ending.

Vey very very good 5/5

Very awesome! thanks for the comment!

Its great poem of your again 5/5