Grown

I was once scared and my world was broken
I felt like my life was already chosen
Scars and pain, so many words unspoken
My soul felt like it was never woken.

She said so many things about me
And I lost every shred of my dignity
In my mind I was not worth setting free
So I locked up the emotion and let it be

Trapped inside the humiliation never faded
With only my mind I self-mutilated
Left myself hiding under a cover so shaded
All my ignorance did was leave me frustrated

That horrible situation was hard to have met
But the hell it created I can never forget
And it left me with pain I didn't expect
I will never again let myself feel that regret

A few days ago it all happened again
Another girl tried to make me feel pain
But this time i kept myself from going insane
By going to her and asking her to refrain

I no longer feel the need to face it on my own
My courage is real and my confidence was shown
I will be okay now, knowing I have grown
And knowing i never have to face the pain alone.

3rd September 5:51 pm

***Last year I came out and a lot of people ridiculed me and I never thought I was worth defending so I never stood up for myself. Once this girl said things about me behind my back and it hurt me so much. I had so much regret for never trying to stop her or reason with her. I've realised it's easier to solve a problem than cope with it. A little while ago this girl started saying more things about me being gay and it hurt but instead of taking it I went to her and questioned it. Guys, don't let people push you around, stick up for yourself, it's a lot better :)