Could i do this to myself?

I took the razor in my hand,
Trembling I put it to my skin,
Head turned I cant watch,
What have I become?

Hot pins pierce my skin,
Scarring perfect flesh,
Evidence that I'm unsafe,
Don't leave me alone,

Cold blood pours down my arm,
I can taste the poison memories,
Every minute with you broke my heart,
Every second without you is killing me,

The days when suicide seemed useless,
Futile attempts to earn attention,
Those days were yesterday,
Today death seems like water to a burn,
Necessary, the only exit

How did I become the only thing I hate?