Vicious Cycle

Bones. Weight.
Wanna see 'em.
Need to lose it.
I've got goals to reach.
Pounds to drop.
Gonna make heads turn.
Show 'em all
I'm more than enough.
I'm fabulous
And soon they'll know it-
I feel bad.
I don't think of others.
Mom. Dad. Mark. Mike.
They'd die if they knew.
It killed them so much
to see me in those gowns
to put me in that hospital.
It ripped apart their year
all because of my selfishness
my dumb obsession
turned dangerous.
Now I'm stuck in a rut.
I'm still doing what put me there-
I'm still dying.
I'm still barfing.
I'm still dying to be thin.
How small do I need to be to be happy they'd ask.
Honest to God I don't know!
Just a little smaller I wish.
I am so close.
I can feel it, touch it.
Reach my perfection.
What's best for me?
Why won't these thoughts stop?
Sometimes I need them to go away.
Just get out of my head.
I'm going insane.
All I ever wanted was to be thin
But if this is how it feels;
TO BE THIN AND CRAZY
Then I'm not sure what I want
anymore...