Core

by Jasmyn   Sep 30, 2006


Broken hearts and memories
torn photographs and realities
caring looks filled with sympathies
one too many missed opportunities...
days filled with struggles and pain
emotions impossible to explain
the things you shouldn't say but cant refrain
an empty shell where i remain
the girl next door that you ignore
scarred deep forever more
lost inside like never before
you'll never understand me at my core...

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  • 17 years ago

    by PnQ Mod Account

    I just wrote a poem yesterday with the same rhyme in each stanza and I hated it... I really forced it out.

    You've done a great job at making this rhyme scheme work.

    There are only a couple things I might consider changing just to make the flow a bit smoother...

    Line 7 - take off the "the"
    Line 10 - Change "deep" to "deeply"

    Great work!

  • 17 years ago

    by *Charisma*

    Great job. enjoyed it! Jpoet*

  • 17 years ago

    by Hear You Me

    WOWW!!! this is so ace!!! i really really like it and couldnt believe it was gonna be so great for such a short poem - well done hun
    Ginnie x

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