Allusion to Life

I sit in a room--
3 by 4,
and I find myself pacing
for the door.

I want to get out,
but I have to wait
till 9:25
and open flood gates.

Blabbering on
in a language I don't get,
and I snap back awake,
wiping one bead of sweat.

Nothing to make this hour and a half
anything beyond boring.
The droning continues,
and I struggle against snoring.

Bells and shifting
and lots of noise,
and alone I weave through--
not by choice.

I enter the room,
not a laugh all day,
and I know exactly why
I feel this way.

The door is slammed,
and everyone sits.
Nothing feels right--
not a perfect fit.

"English," she is sure to say
with a smile,
"is something that will last you
for quite a while."

In her "man voice" she bellows
and bellows all class
as I turn and stare out
into the green grass.

The empty seat in front of me
reminds me of death,
because where there once was a fidgeting figure,
now there is a desk.

Bells and shifting
and lots of noise,
and alone I weave through--
not by choice.

I enter,
and this class is about the same,
but the rest of the day is weird,
with one person to blame.

An entire sandwich, and I eat it all
at a table with some friends.
There was no one in first or second block
to share my sandwich with.

No one speaks that much,
and when we do, it's small.
I let out one, tiny "that's what she said" joke,
and no one laughs at all.

I feel like these changes are only temporary,
but deep down I know
Nothing's ever going back,
and there's nowhere new to go.

There's only one word I can think of
to describe this past week--weird,
and I have to say, unfortunately,
it's been everything I've feared.