Desperate

Desperate

Confused, tired heart is racing for a desperate answer,
Thoughts searching, and eating at me like a deadly cancer,
Wishing that something could take me to a special place,
To a time where all these emotions were never in trace.

Little girls in pink, pretty dresses, play so happily and free,
Desperately wishing that, that little girl could be me.
Not worrying about what may come in the unforeseen future.
Not even knowing the ultimate things that life has for torture.

Crazily living in the shadows of consequences of others actions,
Never did I think that the biggest pain would be my own distraction.
Hating what I have done to those precious people around,
Watching them carefully when I tell them I have let them down

Reactions have been many of encouragement, mercy and grace,
Bewildered by what has been offered to me in the midst of my place,
Situation being one that so many would hate and disapprove of,
Offering me these undeserving amounts of unconditional love?

Happy, joyful people all fluttering around by many numbers.
Me wanting to fall into a long, distant, everlasting, permanent slumber.
What is going on with me and why can I not see the answers I yearn?
This dagger in my mind is turning, desiring to destroy and stab me… it burns.