Mixed emotions

Mixed emotions all
the time wanting to
die one minute wanting
to live the next

she was fighting her feelings
dinieing then washing
then away with drugs and beer
but one night was special

she drank a little to
much so she wrote her
letter read it over, her
hands started to shake

she studied them for
a moment but she had to
proceed so she grabbed
her gun cocked it put it to
her head and pulled the trigger